The Killer In Me
by karlaakamsloki
Summary: "Some people like to write, some like to paint. Me? I like to stab people in the throat with a butcher knife"- Warning not for the faint of heart.
1. Blondes do it better

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of these affiliations.**

**Warning!**

**This fic is horror and this is my warning that people will die and heavily too.**

**THIS IS A VOTING FIC MEANING YOU GUYS GET TO DECIDE WHO DIES AT THE END OF EVERY WEEK. MORE ON THAT AT THE BOTTOM.**

**My thanks and love go to ssarrahh1 who is my awesome pre-reader and who has supported this thing since the beginning.**

**And my awesome beta BeanFlickn247 who pointed out my many grammar mistakes and gave you guys a less messy fic to read. Thank you so much Connie.**

* * *

Life is often cruel but more than that it's boring.

At a very young age I learned that life usually follows a routine, you are born and depending if life gives you lemons or not, you either die alone or die with way too many people at your side. Which begs the question, which one is better?

Option A has its possibilities, not everyone wants to be surrounded by people, some people like solitude, but more than that they enjoy not having to listen to a nagging wife or a crying toddler.

Option B however...

It's what everyone "sane" strives for because god forbid you go against the norm, a wife and caring children who will grow up and love their daddy and mommy, and will go to a good college only to go out, face life and repeat the process.

Have I mentioned how boring life is?

Let's focus now on the cruel part, what happens to all those people who don't die alone or surrounded by people? What happens when they just... disappear?

What happens to the drug addicts? The drunks? The people who don't want to be alone, but at the same time will always be alone?

The one thing that sucks about being an orphan is the inability to be alone and yet not at the same time. Surrounded by people who are supposed to take care of you but don't, counselors who say they will love you, but only treat you like shit. I hated the orphanage and every person in it except my friends of course, but that's a story for another day and so is my "sad" past.

Going back to the topic though, which one is better?

Well until I decide and Ms. Denali comes out of her apartment so I can blow her head off for what she did to me back at the bar, let me tell you guys a little story, it'll be a fun story I promise.

Of course your level of fun needs to be parallel to mine, but I digress.

Let me just start by saying that my old therapist told me I'm crazy and I shouldn't be let out into society, but what the fuck does he know? He was the one sent to jail for domestic violence he can't judge me, well he can't judge anyone anymore but whatever.

So I'm crazy and I won't deny it I rather embrace it and let out who I really am.

Movement from the building distracts me but it's not Denali, shit.

Pretty hot, tight little body and fucking long as hell blonde hair, that is Ms. Denali ladies and gentleman.

Speaking about blondes, let me tell you guys about my first.

There might be an innuendo there, take it as you will.

My first blonde was a little whore by the name of Lauren.

* * *

"_You little whore!"_

_I punched her again, making sure to get more of her ribs this time._

_I could hear them cracking with every punch and kick._

"_My friend deserves so much better than you." _

_Well she could go to hell, and that's exactly where I was sending her._

_After having her cheat on one of my best friends, dying is the least she deserved, how dare she play around on a man who clearly loved her?_

"_You ruined a lot of lives you little whore." I wasn't lying, since the little whore decided sleeping around would be a splendid idea, and word got back to my two best friends, one of them who happened to be dating her, it wasn't pretty. Jasper was crushed by her infidelity, and the poor guy had been so depressed ever since, but that's why I was here. I was going to help him heal, and killing the little whore seemed like the most enjoyable idea._

_I prepare the knife in my hand, humming the tune for the exorcist under my breath, that song always sent chills down my spine and I fucking loved it. One day I hoped to be able to make someone's head spin like that._

"_You need to wake up little whore, I need to see the pain in your eyes, I need to see how much you regret it." I also wanted to take a picture so when I feel sad or lonely I could look at the destroyed body and feel better. I sighed, if only I was able to keep physical evidence that would make this so much more enjoyable._

_I kicked her again in annoyance, how dare she keep me waiting!_

_I needed to see the pain, regret and fear in her eyes._

_But that's not the real reason, is it? A little voice in my head whispered. _

"_Shut up!" I kicked the whore's body again and put my hands over my ears._

"_He'll go away, he always goes away." I whispered to myself, he always left me alone after I was done having my fun, my therapist said it was my conscious speaking to me, but fuck if I could kill the fucker inside my head I would._

_I heard a whimper from the whore on the floor and I rolled my eyes. Dramatic bitch._

"_Wh...at's goi...ng on?" She groaned in pain and closed her eyes._

_Well I could tell her I was going to kill her but where's the fun in that?_

"_Hello there little whore."_

_She whimpered again and started scooting towards the wall as if it was going to protect her. I almost laughed at her face; no one was going to protect her now._

"_Everything hurts," she cried brokenly. I rolled my eyes in annoyance again._

"_Good." I smiled at her, going back to the knife on the counter, taking it in my hand before turning to face her again. _

"_Now little whore, I'm going to make you pay for all the things you have done okay?"_

_Grabbing her roughly by the arm, I pushed her hard against the wall, she cried out in pain before dropping to the floor._

_I began to tear off her clothes while she continued whimpering in pain. In the back of my mind I realized I should probably have some sort of physical reaction to her nakedness, but the only thing I felt was disgust and the adrenaline rush I craved for every time I took a life._

_So much better than drugs._

_Once she was completely naked and whimpering in front of me, I began to run the knife over her body._

"_You'll come to realizethis is a lot like sex little whore except I'm not seeking pleasure but pain from you. I know how much you enjoy sex and I want you to despise it as you take your last breath." _

_Before beginning my examination of the whore's body, I took one of her wrist in my hand and snapped it, she cried out in pain. I proceeded to do the same on the other wrist._

_Breaking them was so much better than tying them. Of course I could chop them off but fuck that's too messy, and while I enjoy the sight of blood I'd rather not have to clean up more than necessary._

_Picking up my knife again, I continue to trace her petite body with it._

"_First, I know you like to kiss a lot of guys, and as I've been told, girls too." I took the knife before running it along her lips, she whimpered and moaned for me to stop but I was having none of that. I knew that at a subconscious level she might actually be enjoying this, and the disgust from earlier returned full force._

_I pierced the skin on her lips, and made a perfect horizontal line on her bottom lip, I withdrew the knife from her body admiring the work I've done so far. _

_Her torso was covered in bruises, and I knew for a fact some of her bones were broken, besides her wrists of course, the blood on her lips was minimal but that's exactly what I wanted. _

_I have mention that killing people is an art right? The beauty resides within the pain, and how much of it you can give, the more pain the more beautiful the piece becomes._

"_Now little whore, after you kiss someone, some foreplay usually follows, does it not?" I giggled at my own question; the high from all the activities was making me feel like I was on clouds._

_Who needed drugs, when you can kill people?_

"_Foreplay usually consists of touching the breasts, does it not?" _

_I began to run the knife over her breasts, admiring the coloring from the bruises already forming on them. I was glad it was cold inside the room, it saved me from having to stimulate her body to get those little peaks up for me. I couldn't touch her sexually, I would probably vomit, she would receive pleasure, all my fun would end, and that is the last thing we want._

"_The right one first," I murmured to myself._

_I roughly grabbed a nipple between my fingers, and I dragged it up before slicing off with my knife._

_I was rewarded with a scream of pain and a perfect little pink nipple in my hand. I was sad the little perfect nipple wasn't going to hold its shape; in hindsight I could see why men and women were attracted to the little whore. I discarded the nipple, cleaning my hands on a rag before continuing._

"_I must say that even though you're a whore at least you are a pretty one." One last compliment in her otherwise worthless life; what can I say, I'm not a complete monster._

_There was blood covering her chest now and the view was intoxicating. _

"_So beautiful." The blood, the bruises, the screams; another perfect master piece._

"_The left one now." I proceeded to do the same, and the result was similar except this time the little whore was making a lot more noise._

_I loved that._

"_And after the foreplay? The sex of course and we need to be safe." I reached inside my pocket and extracted a condom, I felt the whore calm down for a second as she watched what I was doing. I saw the fear enter her eyes again when she realized the condom wasn't for me but for my knife._

_My very sharp, ten inch steel butcher knife._

_I hummed while carefully placing the condom on my knife, ignoring the fact that the blade sliced right through the latex. I turned back to the whore, and proceeded to spread her legs, I used my knees to open her thighs wider before settling down between them._

"_Now how many thrusts do you think you'll need before you cum?"_

_I smiled at her before plunging the knife violently inside of her._

_The rewarding screams that followed amplified my high exponentially. _

_Who knew sex could be so much fun?_

_

* * *

_

According to the newspaper the little whore was found on her bed, the knife in one hand and her nipples in the other.

The killer was never found and hopefully he will never be.

Everyone was so shocked that some sicko would do such a thing, the city was scared that it would happen again. Everyone started buying alarms and guns to keep themselves protected.

Fuck I'm not that predictable. I would never recreate a master piece, that's not how it works or how I work for that matter.

I say fuck M.O. All those pussy killers with no respect for the craft, who only want the attention, those are the fuckers who get caught but that's exactly what they want, the fame and all the bullshit that comes with it but like I was saying, leaving your "little mark" behind only serves to get caught. Dumb asses.

Oh look Ms. Denali is gracing me with her presence, lucky me.

Now I wonder if I should use my butcher knife or my scalpel? Either way Ms. Denali is going to end up without a tongue.

Grabbing my backpack from the passenger seat, I run to catch up with her.

"Tanya right?" I call to her from a few steps away. Her startled expression almost makes me want to laugh.

"Yes?" She inspects my face, recognition flashing in her eyes. "You're the guy from the bar."

I nod my head in what I hope is a sheepish way.

She looks apologetic almost immediately. "Oh my God, I'm so sorry about that, I was drunk and all over the place, you know?"

I nod my head again, and offer my hand she takes it eagerly waiting to be forgiven. Too bad I suck at forgiveness.

"It's not a problem, I wanted to apologize myself. It was horrible of me to react that way, my mother," What mother? "always taught me not to disrespect women, and I'm so sorry I yelled at you."

A small smile graces her face.

"Would you like to go grab a cup of coffee? It's the least I can do after spilling that drink on you." The twinkle in her eyes confirms that she would like to do much more than just buy me coffee, and I offer her a smile that tells her the same.

"I'm Edward by the way, Edward Cullen." I offer her my arm, and she giggles taking it, her soft skin tells me what I already deduced from the handshake… I'm going to use the scalpel.

* * *

**Did you guys enjoy that? Did it make you want to puke?**

**Like I stated before this a voting fic, each week I will make a poll (the polls will start after the second chapter is up) where I will let you guys decide who dies for the week after that. This is going to be a very interactive fic and admit it guys at some point you wanted to kill Emmett? Or maybe Rose? Well this is your chance to do so.**

**Feel free to PM killing ideas I'm open to suggestions.**

**Thank you for reading and please leave me a review with your thoughts!**


	2. White, velvet and pink lemonade

**Disclaimer: I do not own twilight or any of these affiliations.**

**Warning!**

**This fic is horror and this is my warning that people will die and heavily too.**

**THIS IS A VOTING FIC MEANING YOU GUYS GET TO DECIDE WHO DIES AT THE END OF EVERY WEEK. MORE ON THAT AT THE BOTTOM.**

**My thanks and love go to ssarrahh1 who is my awesome pre-reader and who has supported this thing since the beginning.**

**And my awesome beta BeanFlickn247 who pointed out my many grammar mistakes and gave you guys a less messy fic to read. Thank you so much Connie.**

* * *

White, everything is white.

It was kind of freaky really.

"Is the rest of your house like this?" I point my finger at Tanya's impeccable white room, everything is white, and I mean literally everything; there is not one spot that is not covered in the color.

I know I kill people because I'm crazy, but fuck even_ I_ recognize how insane this shit is.

"No, just the living room," she says nonchalantly like this is actually suppose to make sense to me.

"Why is the living room all white?" I can't help but ask, she smiles widely at me before dropping her purse on the floor and proceeds to do turns all around the white room.

"Don't you feel it?" She sits down on the very white couch, and looks at me expectantly as if I was going to give her an eloquent answer.

_Oh shit this bitch is even crazier than I am._

"Feel what exactly?" I'm still standing awkwardly in the doorway; I don't want to step into the whiteness. It's too much, like stepping into heaven and I, better than anyone else, knows I don't belong there.

"The comfort, the pureness, the calmness, it's like being up there Edward." She points towards the ceiling but I know that's not what she means, I slowly shake my head at her because I don't feel it.

I'll probably never feel it.

She sighs, and looks at the white ceiling. I feel like I just got scolded, and that shit doesn't sit right with me.

"It's ok, don't worry about it." She comes to stand next to me, taking my hand she walks me to the kitchen that thankfully does not cross the white room.

"Is it your favorite color?" Even though the room is no longer in my line of sight, the mere thought of it makes me uncomfortable. My backpack is still on my shoulder, and if she asks me to let it go I probably won't; the instruments within it are the only thing bringing me some sort of comfort.

"Yes it is, and what's yours?" She places the popcorn bag in the microwave and I hope she wants to watch the movie in her bedroom, away from the white room.

"Red, bloody red, velvet I believe it's called." I watch casually as she takes a pitcher of lemonade out of the fridge, it's pink lemonade which makes me smile. I love pink lemonade. I don't care how girly it is, I love the flavor and for some weird reason the color as well; I've been known to drink it with every meal of the day.

"That's unusual." She smiles softly at me and I wish for nothing more than to sew her lips shut, maybe I will.

"Truly it is." I stick my hands in the pockets of my jeans fingering the small container in my right pocket.

She dumps the popcorn in a bowl, and sets it on a tray next to the two glasses of pink lemonade. She puts the pitcher of pink lemonade back in the fridge, picking up the empty popcorn bag on the way. I offer no help.

She swiftly picks up the white tray and motions with her head to follow her. I hesitate before stepping into the white living room, but cling tightly to my backpack waiting in gleeful anticipation of Tanya's inevitable demise; the thought brings me just enough comfort to step in and follow her.

I let out a breath once I'm on neutral ground, glancing around the room I realize the furniture is wood and the only white thing in the room is the walls.

It's a boring bedroom, I'll tell you that much.

"I'm going to step in the bathroom for a second, make yourself comfortable." As she says this she eyes my backpack clearly giving me a message to drop it. I watch as she takes a shirt and loose pants out of her dresser before walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

I quickly close the door so the white room won't bother me and push it to the back of my mind. Dropping my bag to the floor, I work quickly, carefully transferring the powder from my right pocket to her drink giving it a quick stir. I take my own glass in my hand making sure not to confuse them and wait for her on the edge of the bed.

Taking a sip of my drink I realize that is not as sweet as I like it which makes me frown, no one likes sour pink lemonade.

"So what movie do you want to watch?" I ask her as she steps out of the bathroom; she shrugs and points to a row of movies next to the TV.

"Something scary perhaps?" She asks me as she steps in front of the row taking random DVD's from their places.

"Oh I don't really think any of these movies will actually scare me." I give her a smug smile.

_Forget Jason, give me a hammer and I'll show you scary._

"Why, because you're a guy?" She rolls her eyes before dumping a small selection of movies onto the king size bed.

"Are we going to have a conversation on double standards and why males aren't afraid but females are because they are a fragile, weaker sex?" I'm amused now because later on this conversation will be really ironic.

She sighs and shakes her head, giving me an annoyed look.

"Can we just pick a movie?" The annoyed tone is still in her voice and I find I want to make her laugh, if only for the surprise element later on tonight.

"I'll do it if you take your shirt off." I take another sip of pink lemonade as I watch her reaction. My joke is lost on her and judging by the forceful yanking of a random movie off the bed, I dare say she's pissed.

I must say, I like her better when she's mad.

"We're watching _The Blind Side_." I held in a groan hearing the title, she wants to punish me for the comments previously made. I let it slide because it's her deal if she wants to watch a depressing movie before she dies. Not that I've seen _The Blind Side_ or anything.

I watch her grab her glass of pink lemonade and drink half of it in one swallow; she wrinkles her nose as if she smells something unpleasant.

"It needs sugar," she states before taking a seat next to me on the bed.

_Uh maybe she isn't so crazy after all._

We watch ten minutes of the movie before she starts to doze off. Her head falls on my shoulder and I can feel her breathing becoming shallower by the minute.

I slip from the bed and make my way to the bathroom, hoping to find her cellphone but it's not there. My other option is her purse which is still on the floor in the living room− the white room.

I close my eyes as I open the bedroom door. I blindly walk towards the entrance hallway letting out a shaky breath once I reach the wall. The purse is small, but I saw her taking her cellphone out of it at some point earlier in the night.

The phone is touch screen and I meticulously comb through her text messages and calls making sure she didn't mention my name. Thankfully she didn't make any calls in the time she was with me and there are no new text messages.

Satisfied that the outside world has no information on me, I glance around the white room and change my game plan. Originally Tanya's death wasn't going to be that painful, honestly she was just suppose to be a quick high before returning home; but shit I want to stain that hideous white room so badly.

Closing my eyes again I stumble back to the bedroom, I wince when the door closes with a slam but Tanya doesn't move an inch. My backpack is on the floor near her dresser and I make a quick dash towards it. I carefully extract all my instruments, taking special care with the small rectangular box that contains the syringe with the sedative that will make Tanya aware but unable to move.

I roughly insert the syringe into her neck causing her body to jerk. As I dispose of the now useless device inside my backpack, she suddenly sits up on the bed frantically looking around the room. When she finds me standing near the door her body relaxes immediately and I let out an ironic chuckle at her ignorance.

"Why are you standing there? Did I fall asleep?" She glances to the clock on her nightstand, her eyes widen when she realizes no more than half an hour has passed since we started the movie, which I turned off after she zoned out.

"You did, you seem tired maybe I should leave?" I move closer to the door, picking up my backpack as I go.

"No! No! I feel fine please stay." She tries to get up off the bed only to end up falling to the floor. I rush to her and notice she's falling in and out of consciousness.

"Tanya do you feel alright?" I feel her pulse and notice it's slowing down.

"Yeah, just it feels like my body is numb."

_Good._

"Maybe you should go to sleep." I pick her up and set her down on the bed.

"But I feel awake," she mumbles as she attempts to move her position but the sedative is already taking effect. I know she feels awake but her body wants to rest. It'll be perfect, her mind will be fully aware; therefore, she'll feel pain but won't be able to do anything about it.

"Edward?" The word is muffled, her mouth is closing in on her but the panic behind it is clear.

"What's wrong?" I answer in fake concern, as I take the instruments out of my backpack.

"I...can't...talk." Her eyes are closed now and the words barely escape her mouth, the panic however is still very much present.

"Your white room is very pretty, in a arrogant kind of way. I'm going to tell you something Tanya heaven doesn't exist, life has been very cruel to me and when I was a kid the nuns used to tell me to pray and He would answer all my concerns, all my wishes." Grabbing her right arm I look for the vein that will give me what I want.

"But He didn't, and I refuse to believe heaven exists because if it does...I know I'll never go there but that's fine because I know hell is waiting for me. Question is Tanya, where do you think you're heading?" Her body is completely still now, but I know she heard me loud and clear. She is going to die and she knows it.

Finding the vein, I slowly insert the needle that is connected to a plastic tube, the tube itself leads to a small plastic bag that will gather the blood; it was my own improvisation of the equipment used for blood collection. I frown when I realize the bag is probably too small to hold all her blood so I extract the needle. I look around the room searching for something that will hold eight to ten pints of blood and at the other end of the bed I find my prize− a medium size black trashcan.

Inserting the needle for a second time, I make quick work of cutting off the plastic bag and taping the tube to the trashcan so it won't spill everywhere. I remove my current shirt and replace it with a black long sleeve one from my backpack. I also put on a pair of tight fitting plastic gloves that will cover the long sleeves of my shirt. Finally, taking the scalpel out of its box, I sit next to her left arm on the other side of the bed without bothering the blood donation.

Yes, finally the fun begins.

I lean close to her ear and say the words that might make everything a little better for her.

"As soon as I walked in your front door Tanya and saw that room I knew it wasn't going to be about making you feel pain anymore, how lucky for you. Though I still want something from you Tanya, I want the thing that made me aware of who you are." I open her mouth and extract her tongue; it's pink, clean and almost as pretty as her face.

"Look at that, who knew this tongue could be so sharp?" I lay the scalpel on her stomach and force her jaw into doing the work of the scalpel; as teeth cut into flesh, the blood coats her teeth.

"Bite your tongue, wasn't that what I told you at the bar?" I chuckle taking the scalpel and finish the work her teeth could not.

My scalpel, as sharp as ever, cuts quickly and efficiently through her tongue. I take note of the tears falling from her eyes as I finish cutting. Finally there is a small, bloody pink piece of flesh in my hand, I smile and return to the trashcan that is now filled almost to the top and drop the tongue inside the blood.

Working quickly, I remove the needle from her arm and wait until the last drop hits the surface of the blood. After cleaning up all the instruments and dropping them back inside my backpack, I take Tanya's pulse one last time, smiling when I feel nothing.

Tanya is dead, and I'm finally going to be able to get rid of that white room.

I open the bedroom door again and return for the trashcan full of blood. I'm anxious to just throw the blood and get the hell out of dodge but hell where's the fun in that?

_Are you so afraid of not going to heaven, you choose to destroy it for everyone else?_

And there it was, my 'conscious,' speaking to me again.

"I wondered when you were going to show up, you fucker." I roll my eyes at the voice in my head. Bastard never goes away, but he has been quieter recently, something I'm grateful for, but at the same time I can't help but wonder why.

Leaving the blood on the coffee table, I go to the kitchen and roam through the drawers looking for a sponge. I finally spot a standard yellow one under the sink, it's not really what I want but it'll do.

Soaking the sponge with the blood I make quick work of coating everything in my sight. The coffee table where I have the trashcan full of blood to her first edition books, everything is now red except the walls and the couch.

I start giggling to myself and dance to my own tune as I cheerfully coat the room. This is far more exciting than killing Tanya, destroying what she believed in gives me great satisfaction.

Finally, the couch is next. I swiftly pick up the trashcan and pour the remaining blood over the white sofa, making sure to coat it without making a mess on the floor.

Lastly, I take the sponge and write the four letters I know will make the police believe I'm a true psychopath.

Not that they would be wrong or anything.

_HELL_

As simple as that, I have nothing else to say, and I realize that the small high I got from killing Tanya and destroying her perfect white room is all but gone.

The chase wasn't worth the prize, and I curse under my breath realizing that it would be awhile before I could do this again.

The clean up takes me only five minutes and by the time I'm ready to leave I'm seething in anger. My trip has been wasted, Jasper will be waiting for me in Seattle and I know he will expect me to stay a couple of days. Fuck! I don't know if I can hold on that long.

Sluts and booze it is then, a cheap replacement but it would be enough to obtain the release I need.

Feeling slightly better, I leave Tanya's apartment and thankfully she lives on the second floor which makes my escape easy. My car is parked at the hotel next door which will help with the whole suspicious vehicle thing.

Getting back to my cheap motel room, I toss my backpack on the floor and I launch myself on the bed. It squeaks and complains from my weight but I'm beyond caring right now. I just want to close my eyes and sleep off the disappointment from my recent kill.

No such luck, I groan into the pillow when I hear my cellphone ring. I know who it is and it makes me feel a little better.

The sultry tone at the other end of the line makes me crack a smile.

"Hello lover, I'm so glad you're coming home. I miss your sexy crooked smile, the way you flutter your lashes when you get constipated, the way you blush when you want to fart and the way you get all angry when you realize said fart is going to come with a prize." By the end of his little speech I'm fighting laughter but I know I can't laugh first.

"Damn Jasper had I known you had a crush on me I would've bought some condoms and lube." I wiggle my eyebrows even though I know he can't see me, I hear him groan in disgust but he recovers quickly.

"Well lover you don't come until the day after tomorrow so there's still time to prepare," he growls in his fake sultry voice as I stifle another laugh.

"Oh gorgeous you bet your sweet ass I'll _come_." I let my voice take on more of a husky tone and I can feel him giving up.

"Ok I think we took this as far as our straightness will let us, now let's forget this conversation ever happened," he sighs in defeat.

"I told you man, when it comes down to it I'm the better actor, besides I'm just trying to help you out." I'm in a better mood now and I silently thank Jasper for it.

"I hate undercover assignments, you know I'm not homophobic it's just...what if a guy jumps me or something? What if he tries to kiss me? You know what happened to Suarez." Oh yes Suarez, poor guy walked into a gay orgy without knowing it.

"Jasper you'll be fine, you only have to pretend to be gay for a little while and then you can forget all about it ok?" No need to tell him I tried to kiss a guy once.

"Fine, oh and by the way Bella can't wait to meet you."

"Your new partner right?"

"Yes, we're having dinner with her remember?" He gives me a warning tone and I roll my eyes.

"Yes mom." I inspect my nails and almost groan when I realize I still haven't cleaned myself up.

"Hey, I'm going to have to go, I still need to take a shower and make sure I pack everything." I look over to the backpack and realize I'm going to have to burn it.

"Sure, call me before you board your plane so I can pick you up ok?"

"Sure, bye."

"Take care, bye."

Exhausted, I pull myself from the bed and go through the process of removing my contacts, taking off the latex fingertips and washing out the nasty hair darkening gel.

Finally, I see the real me, not the killer, not the person who enjoys seeing others in pain, but the regular guy that enjoys watching baseball and talking to pretty girls. But that guy is boring and hates life. I enjoy mine and I know I can't ever really be him but this knowledge doesn't hurt, instead it solidifies what I do and who I will always be.

I am the guy who likes writing HELL on a wall in blood.

I smile at myself because I know that the white room is gone, that it was never anything but a room, and that Tanya was wrong heaven doesn't exist but hell as sure does.

After all we live in it every day.

* * *

**Well this is it guys!**

**From now on you guys get to vote on who dies!**

**I'm tired of killing girls so let's kill a guy next week ok? The poll will be up for three days.**

**The choices are as follows:**

**Quil**

**Embry**

**Jacob**

**Thank you guys so much for reading and please don't forget to vote! **


	3. The boy, the drugs and the cock ring

EPOV

Seattle, the city where I entered this world, I wish I could say that I miss it but truthfully the only reason to even come back to this God forsaken place is Jasper.

I was tired, cranky and extremely excited to see Jasper after three months of being on the road.

Collecting my things I walked out of the airport and searched for Jasper's truck but found nothing. Shaking my head, I made my way over to the parked taxi cabs as I cursed Jasper for not picking me up.

_Fucker._

I forgot I was supposed to pick him up from the airport once, and yeah okay he may have waited a couple hours for me to show up. He yelled at me for a good five minutes about how friends are important and claimed that he would never, ever pick me up from the airport again.

Fucker can hold a grudge I'll give him that much, that shit happened over three years ago.

Reaching the apartment, I dropped my duffel bag and backpack on the porch before extracting my house key. I took a breath and hoped I didn't find Jasper in another compromising situation like last time; fucking Maria and that purple cock ring.

If I remember correctly my exact words upon seeing Jasper face down on the couch while Maria spanked him were…

"_Really Jasper on our couch? That we bought together? What is wrong with you?"_

All hell broke loose after that, Maria was screaming that she didn't fuck gay guys, and Jasper looked like someone killed his puppy (which I actually did once). I retreated to the kitchen to wash my face, disgusted at the scene I just witnessed. The last time I saw Maria, she was holding a dildo in one hand and purple sparkly cock ring in the other.

It wasn't until the next morning while I read the paper and a beet red Jasper attempted to make himself some eggs that I registered what Maria had said the previous night about not screwing gay guys.

"_You know I only said that last night because I didn't want any jizz on the couch I helped pay for right?"_

He nodded and left the kitchen with his eggs, I didn't see him until the next day.

We haven't spoken about it since.

I opened the door hesitantly and peeked inside, all looked normal, and I let out a sigh of relieve. The living room was empty and thankfully Maria free.

"Jasper?"

"In the kitchen!"

I dropped my bags at the entrance and entered the kitchen finding Jasper extremely frustrated and frazzled as he was attempting to actually cook what I think was dinner.

"What the hell are you doing?" We both know he can't cook for shit, I'm happy to say that the kitchen is usually my domain; I make killer pasta.

"I'm trying to make lasagna." Trying was the operative word in that sentence; the counter was covered with shit, the oven was smoking, there were stacks of dirty dishes everywhere, and he had flour in his hair.

"I'm not cleaning this shit up, and why are you trying to cook?" I wanted to lean against the wall, but I was afraid of ruining my shirt.

"Bella thought we could do dinner here instead of going out." He gave me a look that plainly said he regretted the decision.

"Are you getting chummy with your partner, because that would be really fucked up?" I just shook my head and held back a smile. Jasper is such a pussy when it comes to women, he doesn't know how to say no to them.

"She hates it when people give her stuff, so she refused to let me buy dinner. We kind of fought about it until we agreed to do it here." He looked defeated and went back to staring at the oven.

"This isn't your first try is it?" He shook his head and dropped to sit on the kitchen floor.

"It's nice to be home," I tell him before turning to gather my stuff from the living room.

"It's nice to have you home," he answers before I leave, and I smile to no one in particular.

After showering and changing into some clean clothes, I entered the living room to find that our company was already here.

She wasn't much to look at, short and slender with plain brown hair and a pale complexion. I found myself hoping that she at least had a good personality otherwise the night was going to be very long and boring.

"Edward, come meet my partner Ms. Isabella Swan or as she likes to be called Bella." Just like her hair her eyes are a plain muddy brown, and I have to really make an effort to give her a semi-sincere smile.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Bella." We shake hands as Jasper ushers us to the table.

"Jasper is this food going to make me sick tomorrow?" Bella asked him playfully from her seat across from me. She won't look directly at me, and I wonder if it has something do with that whole bullshit_ good looking_ stigma that plagues me.

"I hope not." He gives her a soft smile, and I almost roll my eyes at the infatuation in his voice. Give me a fucking break, FBI partners falling for each other… such a cliché.

"So Bella how do like working with Jasper over here?" I'm trying to get a "let's make fun of Jasper" conversation going, hopefully she has some embarrassing stories to tell me.

Jasper smirks and shakes his head.

"There's nothing to tell Edward, I've been a good boy." He smiles proudly and pats a hand to his chest.

_Fucker._

"Maria." One word and he immediately drops the smile and gives me a glare.

"You wouldn't." No, I wouldn't but he doesn't know that.

"Yes, I would." I turn to look at Bella and wait until her eyes fall on me. "Bella, do you know what a cock ring is?"

Bella blushes and nods, oh fuck a blusher is she a virgin too? This girl is no fun.

"Well-" before I can say another word Jasper shoves a piece of bread down my throat causing me to choke. I cough a few times before stomping the shit out of his foot under the table.

He's about to stab me with his spoon right before Bella takes it from him.

"Enough!"

Jasper and I stared at her before bursting into laughter. No one has ever dared to stop us when were "fighting" but apparently this Bella Swan person thought she actually had the power to do so.

I take it back, I like her.

We sat down to eat again, no more fights or talks about awkward sexual encounters this time around. I decided I was curious about plain Ms. Swan and wanted to find out a little about her life

"So Bella, why did you become a cop?" She sighed like it's a long story and I was kinda hoping it's not.

"I lived in the small town of Forks, WA, I don't know if you've heard of it." She throws me a questioning glance, and I shake my head urging her to continue.

I was lying. I did know where Forks was, I had been there before but my motives were less than admirable. Jasper doesn't know about this trip, and I never mentioned the town to him nor has he mentioned it to me.

"Well it's about three hours away from here, and my Dad is the Chief of Police. I always wanted to become a cop to follow in his footsteps." She blushes again and looks down at her plate like she's embarrassed.

Fucking bitch at least she _has_ a father.

"That's nice." I take a drink of my beer and hope I don't look bored.

"Yeah, he really pushed me hard to become a cop during my last year of high school." She's looking at table still, and I can see her lip trembling. I look at Jasper and he's shaking his head silently telling me to give her time.

"He didn't mean a lot to me, I barely knew him but our Dads were best friends, and I was in the search party that found his...body. That found his body." She abruptly stands from the table and runs to the bathroom.

I stand to go after her, but Jasper motions for me to sit back down.

"What happened?" I'm trying to show some sympathy, I'm sure I still have some leftover from my childhood, but I'm more excited to find out how he died.

"Some party at La Push beach, it's a reservation next to Forks, everyone was high, drunk or both and the guy went missing. They didn't find him until two days later and according to Bella it was really gruesome." He swallowed the rest of his beer in one gulp and stood up to grab another.

This story is starting to sound really familiar.

"What was his name?" I don't know what the fuck compels me to ask but I do and judging by the paleness of his face I already have my answer; after all I did kill him with my own two hands…and really big stick.

"It was bad dude. Bella showed me some pictures and it…just...Jacob Black was his name."

Bella opened the door to the bathroom, her red watery eyes immediately meeting my green ones, and I suddenly felt very nervous. I've never dealt with a friend or loved one of someone I've killed before. To keep myself from panicking, I tried to remember why exactly I killed Jacob Black almost eleven years ago.

* * *

"_That was nice thanks." _

_I wish I could thank her for the blow job she just gave me, but fuck I don't remember her name, and it doesn't really matter anyway._

"_No problem." She gives me a sly smile and walks away, and may I just say that the view is fucking fantastic; praise to the inventor of really, really short, skirts._

_You have to love the kids from the rez, these bastards have some of the hottest chicks around, and they are obviously sexually frustrated, either that or La Push men have really small dicks._

_I hope for my sake it's the latter._

_I head back over to the bonfire; I'm alone tonight so I'm not drinking, I'd rather drive home than crash here in the sand. Besides it's a three hour trip back to Seattle, and I have class in the morning._

_It's my first time in La Push, and so far the atmosphere is fairly mellow; it's just a bunch of kids hanging out, drinking beer and there may be some light drug use here and there._

_The drugs are courtesy of yours truly._

_This is by far my biggest sale. The business of selling drugs is tricky but once you know the ins and outs it's a piece of cake. This small gathering will easily pay for half my tuition next semester._

"_James!" _

_I turn around to see Paul walking towards me, he's a nice guy and I'm only saying that because he was my buyer; the guy is an asshole and he knows it._

"_Paul, how's it going?" I stick my hands in my pockets and wait for him to talk._

"_Fine, everyone is having a great time why don't you join us?" I want to refuse, but as long as I pass the joint around and don't actually smoke it I'll be fine._

_Paul guides us away from the bonfire to a more secluded, darker area. I can barely make out faces let alone give them names, not that I would've cared to remember in the first place._

_They are all sitting in the sand, so I take a seat between two people. The only lights are those coming from the orange, fiery tips of the joints being passed around; the smell of weed is heavy in the damp night air._

"_I'm Jacob." The guy at my right tells me as he passes me one of the joints._

"_James," I smirk as I lie. I like the name James, I always thought it was more fitting for me- I'm not sure why._

"_I have some E if you want any." He throws a small plastic baggie with a few pills inside towards me, apparently my answer isn't necessary._

_I'm tempted to tell him to fuck off but instead I just throw the bag back at him, silently letting him know my answer._

"_You don't like E?" He questions me as another joint makes its way around to us._

"_I don't do drugs, I just sell them." _

_He gives me a grunt in response and takes a hit of the joint before passing it to me. I actually contemplate taking a hit, but as unbelievable as it might sound I've never actually tried any drugs before, so I decide to skip it for now and just pass it along to the next guy._

_After a couple of hours, some flirting and another blow job, I make my way to my beat up Volvo. I'm getting tired, and there's not a chance in hell I'm falling asleep at the wheel; if I survive that shit I'll never live it down._

"_Hey James!" Oh fuck, not this idiot again._

"_Jacob what can I do for you?" The fucker has been following me around all night like a lost puppy, begging me to do some Ecstasy with him. I don't fucking know what's his deal with that shit and to be honest I don't really care._

"_Nothing just wanted to say good night and give you a little something for the drive home." He thrusts a bottle of water in my hand before running back to the bonfire._

_I inspect the bottle and the water inside, there doesn't appear to be anything wrong with it, but I just can't help being suspicious of dear Jacob._

_Five minutes after leaving La Push I attempt to open the bottle of water only to find that the safety seal is already broken._

Fuck!

_That kid is dead, literally._

_I stop the car and think for a second. The fucker knows me as James and by now he must be drunk and stoned out of his mind; I'm sure all of them are. There's no moon tonight, and I'm sure I was one of the few people that don't actually live in La Push. _

_I get out of my car and decide to walk the five minutes I've been driving; the further away my car is from the scene the better. At this point I know I can't take any chances, most of these people have seen my face, and Paul has my contact info, albeit for James but still._

_As I walk, I remember that there are high cliffs located a few feet away from the party, so I quickly devise a plan to dispose of Jacob's body. Accident, I definitely need to make it look like an accident._

_It takes me fifteen minutes to get back to the party, but just as I arrive I see Jacob heading for the woods…alone._

Excellent.

_I come up behind him and see him trying to take a piss except he's obviously drunk, swaying all over the damn place._

"_Jacob." He jumps back and fights to close his zipper; I stifle a laugh at his bewildered expression._

"_What the fuck? I thought you were gone." He looks scared, as he very damn well should be._

"_I was but then I tried to drink some of the water you gave me. Tell me Jacob what's your obsession with ecstasy and trying to make me take it?" I inspect my surroundings looking for a branch that will do the job and finally I spot a small but heavy looking one near Jacob's feet._

"_I just wanted you to have a good time, that's all." He raises both hands in surrender but at this point I really don't give a shit._

"_Why?" I'm honestly curious now; the dumbass has nothing to gain by getting me high._

"_I just...I'm sorry...I don't..." He's trying to turn away from me when I notice his hands are now in front of his crotch in an attempt to hide a very obvious bulge._

_Well lookie here Jacob boy is gay. I don't know whether to be disgusted or amused by this._

"_Oh did you plan to get me fucked up so you could screw me? That's not how it works Jacob." I take a few careful steps towards him so that I can grab the branch that will help me end him. I hesitate when my face is about a foot away from his, maybe I should give Jacob boy a present before he departs._

_His eyes dart from my eyes to my mouth, and it's at times like this I wish I was an ugly motherfucker._

_I feel chills run down my spine at the thought of actually kissing him, so instead of giving him the gift of my lips- I give him the gift of my fists._

_He staggers back as I quickly find the tree branch and without giving him a chance to recover, I hit him in the left side of his head with as much force as I can muster; he immediately falls to the ground unconscious and bloodied._

"_You are a huge waste of my time, Jacob boy." Regardless, I continued to smash the tree branch against his head until I see I made a crack._

_There's blood all over the ground, and I stifle a scream of frustration. Why is it so hard for people to just leave me alone?_

_Dropping the branch, I picked up Jacob's abnormally heavy body and quickly made my way to the edge of the cliffs which were thankfully unoccupied. I dropped his body, and watched it as it fell hurdling towards the bottom. I noticed, with much satisfaction, how his head split open as his body hit the jagged rocks below._

_Going back to the scene of the crime, I make quick work of cleaning up as best as I can. With the intense adrenaline rush from killing Jacob still going strong, I ran all the way back to my car. _

_I drove all the way back to Seattle giggling like a little girl._

_

* * *

_

Well, talk about blast from the past.

Bella sits down, she's sobbing and her arms are gripping her stomach as if to hold herself together.

"His body was on the beach, he had fallen from the cliffs...half his face was missing." She's crying harder now, and Jasper takes her into his arms trying in vain to erase the images from her mind.

I'm sitting emotionless in my chair not knowing what to do. It would be hypocritical of me to say I'm sorry since I'm not and never will be.

"He is the reason why I decided to join the bureau, my Dad didn't believe it was just an accident and neither do I. I'm still hoping to one day solve his case." Her voice is stronger now and the conviction behind it terrifies me. This is a woman on a mission and just like my best friend she poses a huge threat to me. Lauren and Jacob weren't my cleanest kills, both of them were in the heat of the moment, and I may have left one too many pieces of evidence behind.

Together they could destroy me, and I am angry when I realize that I can't destroy Bella Swan like I want to-like I need to.

For the first time in my life I'm scared of the consequences of my addiction. Worse yet, ultimately I will be the person responsible for my own downfall, as it was my actions that pushed both Jasper and Bella into law enforcement to begin with. This brings me to one conclusion…

_I'm an idiot._

_

* * *

_

**A/N**

**Ok guys there is chapter 3 and I'm so sorry I skipped a week anyway these are your options for next week please go vote!**

**Carlisle **

**Aro **

**Demetri **

**Thanks for reading!**


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